Author Archives: Tara Maya
Author Archives: Tara Maya
Today we have a guest post by Rayne Hall. Rayne Hall is a traditionally published author, who has recently made the move to self-publishing for her latest dark fantasy Storm Dancer, which is only $0.99 on Amazon and definitely worth reading. She also teaches writing classes, which I highly recommend. She is an excellent teacher. You can find out more about the classes below, or on this site: www.sites.google.com/site/writingworkshopswithraynehall/
“When an insecure, malleable, relativistic culture meets a culture that is anchored, confident, and strengthened by common doctrines, it is generally the former that changes to suit the latter’ “
— Reflections on the Revolution in Europe
What I did not discuss was my own emotional timeline.
I happened to be in a Muslim country, as a humanitarian volunteer. We found out when one volunteer received a text message from her boyfriend. The local, government controlled television had no news about it, so we had to drive to a hotel to watch CNN. I was terrified because my mom was supposed to be on a plane to Washington D.C. that day. At another table, a group of drunk men were laughing. Yes, LAUGHING.
The feeling I had, worrying that my mom might be dead, feeling my country was under attack, listening to people laugh as the news showed the planes crashing into the building… I experienced a terrible helpless rage. I had never felt that way before. I am generally not a rage-full person. In college I travelled to Nepal and studied compassion meditation at a Buddhist nunnery. A few months before 9/11, while living on the streets to experience what it was like to be homeless (answer: it sucks), I had been mugged, and using satyagraha techniques of nonviolent engagement, ended up chatting with my mugger to the point he started crying and telling me about his abusive childhood and how his religious sister wanted better for him. I came out of the experience, if anything, more convinced of the goodness of every human soul than before.
But on 9/11, my compassion deserted me. All I felt was horror, grief and rage.
I did not want to feel that way, and so I felt doubly violated, because I felt as if I lost my innocence as well as my illusions of safety. When I returned to the States, I had a different view on a lot of things. Not just because of 9-11… I had also lived in a war zone, met with men who had been tortured, and met the men who done the torturing and smiled about it… I had seen a lot of evil, and it wasn’t so easy for me to believe in the goodness of every human soul anymore. I had been exposed to so much virulent anti-Americanism that I became hyper-sensitive to it, and I fought with a lot of long time friends for whom anti-American one-up-manship is a harmless past time, like bowling or “yo’ mama” jokes. By the way, I still shiver whenever anyone makes an anti-American comment, so if you tweet one or post it to Facebook, I will do my best not to reply. We would just fight, and that’s not what I want or who I want to be.
For a long time, I wondered if I would ever feel “normal” again. Every year, when 9-11 rolled around, all those feelings crashed back down on me again.
Then I noticed a strange thing. This year as the anniversary came around, I didn’t feel enraged. In fact, it was hard to remember the anger I felt in those days. It wasn’t until I read Maria Zannini’s blog post that I felt a jolt.
Perversely, I then worried about the fact that I couldn’t remember what it felt like. Is that like betraying the memory of what happened? But that’s absurd, isn’t it? To want to hold on to the anger? How can you not betray those feelings yet stop being a slave to them?
Well… I am a writer. I realized maybe the time had come to write something. I had enough distance, yet could still capture those emotions, and honor them, yet move past them. I started a story.
I’m not ready to share it year. Maybe by next 9-11.
I’m curious how to know about your emotional journey on and since 9-11. How did you feel? Would you undo what you felt (I’m not talking about what happened, because I’m going to hope that’s a Yes, but the feelings you experienced in response) or are those important for you to remember and hold on to?
My oldest son started kindergarten yesterday. It was also the release date of the third book in my series — The Unfinished Song: Sacrifice. Usually, I neglect my kids because I’m busy writing, but yesterday, I neglected my new release so I could spend the day with my little man.
At least, that was my intention. It’s not possible to turn off Writer’s Brain. After Roll Call and Storytime, the kids ran outside to play while the parents squeezed into tiny chairs to listen to the teacher. The teacher was a perfect kindergarten teacher: sweet and chipper and friendly and yet down-to-earth. While she expounded on the daily schedule and how budget cuts impacted the status of art supplies, I gazed around the room, struck by an idea for a story about a woman whose three preschool sons are werewolves. I would call it, “My Three Werewolf Sons.”
Right at the moment I was puzzling out the backstory about how the young children came to be bitten by a werewolf (I would blame their uncle, I decided) the teacher called on me with a question. I had no idea what the answer was, or, indeed, what the question had been. I had an instant flash back to the million times in school when I had similarly blanked on a question for the same reason…I’d been off in another world.
“Bag lunch or lunch card?” repeated the teacher, smiling patiently, with that cajoling tone most people use with small children, that kindergarden teachers use with everyone.
“Um. We’ll be getting a card thingy,” I said. She moved on to ask the next parent.
I admit it. I suck at parenting sometimes. Now you know.
Despite this, I am an aspiring tiger mom. If you haven’t heard of the term, or the controversy, it’s a term popularized by an Asian American mom/author to designate an aggressive approach to one’s child’s academic career. I’m kinda like a were-tiger mom. I manage it only when the moon is full.
When the teacher handed me a piece of paper with the class objectives for the year, I read it as an indictment of all the things my son should be doing already. If he isn’t even ready for first grade by the time he’s in kindergarden, how will he be ready for calculus by sixth grade?
During my first pregnancy, I fancied I could be like those moms who homeschool their kids. I looked up several programs, and even designed a curriculum. After my son was born, even before his little sibs came along, I realized that idea was sheer lunacy. I have increased respect for any parent who could pull it off. In my case, I would go mad. Pre-school and elementary school teachers, I salute you. You are amazing.
Anyway. I compromised. I have a notebooks for each werewolf, er, kid, with re-usable transparent sheet protectors. I order have a couple of different workbooks I use. These workbooks are designed to be used once, but the workbooks are expensive and I have three kids. So I cut them up and then choose the pages I want, which I slip into the transparent sheet protectors. This also allows me to mix up series. The Critical Thinking Co. is strong on mathematics and logic, but weak on reading and writing (for the Pre-K to first grade level especially). Most other series are the reverse. It’s not hard to find workbooks with guided handwriting and phonics for the ABCs.
I also found a great series by a teacher friend of mine which uses sign language and physical activities to help kids use total physical response to learn to read. I am trying to convince her to self-publish her book. If she does, I will let you know more about it.
I made sets of four pages of Alphabet/Handwriting/Phonics and four pages of Counting/Logic/Puzzles plus two pages of fun stuff… drawings or mazes. (My oldest son loves mazes). For my middle son (2.5 yrs), it’s just three pages of Alphabet and three pages of Counting. The littlest one has a notebook too, just to have something to scribble on while the others are working so he doesn’t get jealous.
In the evening, I spend about 20 minutes with each of them on the notebooks. A finished notebook results in a treat. (Yes, I bribe with candy. Not health food. I am a bad, bad mom.) If one is too squirrelly to finish, that’s ok, we just stop, though there is no treat. For obvious reasons, the two year old has more trouble concentrating than the older one, although one night he surprised me by demanding two sessions in a row.
My son was worried that he wouldn’t be ready for kindergarden. He feared they would all be doing things that were too hard for him. So when we went into the classroom and he saw the alphabet on the wall, illustrated with cartoons of things that started with those letters, he pointed it out to me gleefully.
“Mommy, look!” he whispered. “That’s all the letters and their things! She’s a good teacher. She knows the alphabet too!”
* * *
By the way, expect a new series from me soon. Don’t worry, I will still keep publishing the rest of The Unfinished Song as well. The Unfinished Song is aimed at young adults and adults, but I also have a series I’m working on aimed at four to seven year olds. It is about Jaden and Jacie, twins that can turn into dragons, who help other dragons when they get sick or hurt. Each book introduces a science concept and includes a home science experiment at the end. In order to cure the sick Rain Dragon, for instance, Jaden and Jacie learn about the precipitation cycle, and so on.
At some magic hour today you should be able to buy Sacrifice, third book in the twelve part series The Unfinished Song.
Early bird buyers will be able to pick up the book for just $.99.
Yay!
Thank you to those who have waited patiently…Sacrifice, the third book in The Unfinished Song, is here! Almost. It should be available for review copies and early bird purchase on Monday, August 30, 2011. This will be a busy day for me, since it is also the day my oldest son starts kindergarten.
UPDATE: Except, of course, I meant TUESDAY, because that is the 30th. D’OH!
Here’s a sneak peek at the cover: